


If I had the chance, would I be able to save you?

by Anonymous



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, OC-centric, Self-Insert, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, Tagging as I go, i wrote this purely for myself, repetitive dying, self indulgent fic, switching POV, this is to answer my own question
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-21 11:42:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30021267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: I always wondered what I would have done if I were in their world. I guess this is just me thinking what I would have done, if I were in their world and had the power to change things. Perhaps I would be able to save you all, or just get you killed quicker.The self insert/indulgent fic I never thought of myself writing and who knows.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is a purely self indulgent self onset fic that I wrote for myself, nevertheless, I hope you can find some enjoyment from it yourself.

If I had the chance to save you, could I even do it? It was a question that had wondered about my mind ever since I had first seen you all. The boy who became angry after his mother’s death, only to become the villain of the story, the girl with the scarf who wanted an ideal world, the boy who only wanted to see what beauty lies beyond the walls and many others. 

When I had first gotten into the story, Armin had always been my favourite. He wasn’t strong physically, yet his brain fit into the balance of his friends that he belonged. 

I wonder if I liked him so much because I was lonely. 

It wasn’t as if I didn’t have friends I cared about, and who cared about me in return, of course I did. And I had never regretted a moment with any of them as we spent theorising as to how the story would end. Funnily enough, I still don’t know how it ends now. I won’t for a few more weeks.

This world brought me so much joy growing up and seeing the world grow and become what it was at the almost end. 

In a sense, it was beautiful and cruel.

And I guess, I was sad I couldn’t be in your world. 

As I grew up myself, I shared tears and hopes with the characters and I hoped for them to have a happy end.

But of course, back then I didn’t know that not every story had a happy end. Things in my life had taught me that. 

Did that devalue all the good times I had? No, of course not. But I suppose when you experience loss for the first time, your perception changes into something you didn’t think was possible. 

And as all of you died, or moved on or even became the thing you feared most, I griefed with you. 

I cried when learning about the circumstances of your lives, I cried when I saw and read you all died, I cried when- ah perhaps it doesn’t actually matter. 

Because in the end, it’s not something I can choose. I can’t choose who lives and dies. If I did; it wouldn’t be you. It would be some poorly made copy in an attempt to recreate you. Although, many, many others had managed to create you all in their own universes so perfectly. And I’m really glad I got to see those versions.

Because in my word, you are all only a story.

And it hurts.

Knowing I can’t smile with you, or give you a hug or cry with you and comfort when we experience loss. Perhaps I can experience your world through your creators eyes, but I can’t be with any of you.

Even so, I’m so very grateful you were born into my world, even as a story.

I’m sorry I can’t be there for you in the way I want to.

So I suppose that’s where my question comes from. 

If I had the chance to be in your world, to experience it truly through my own eyes, to be able to touch and smell and hear beyond the flicking of a page, would I be able to save you all? 

Perhaps not.

Perhaps I would die within a minute or survive the entire time by sheer luck. 

But either way…

It’s worth a try… isn’t it?

  
  



	2. The World I was Reborn In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I would continue this or not. So expect their to be no update schedule and for it to update randomly with no coherency. Thanks for reading!

The most noticeable thing when I woke up was the sound. My eyes hadn’t yet adjusted to the world around me yet as my conscience zoned into the world, but the sounds of screams and panic were the most apparent thing I could hear. There was smoke rising in the distance and I briefly wondered what was going on. 

Sitting up suddenly, my head swirled and it took a moment to think straight with only questions in my mind.

Where am I?

What’s going on?

Why is everyone screaming?

When my brain finally caught up with my eyes, it was a few moments of sheer disbelief and shock as I stared up at the wall. Panic rose immediately and my hands were brought to my mouth so I wouldn’t scream too.

I knew that wall.

I had seen it destroyed and reclaimed.

I had practically grown up knowing what those walls were.

Tears were in my eyes before I even knew what was happening and my mind shook as I heard the bang amongst the panic, with my brain seeming to finally catch up when I did. I knew what was going to happen next, yet I couldn’t find it in myself to move away from the gate. 

The people ran past me still; not spending a moment to look at the person on the ground. Realistically I knew I was either about to be trampled by the people of Shinganshina hoping to make an escape, or crushed by the impending attack by the Armoured Titan.

Even with these thoughts, I stayed still, unable to process what was going on or why I was there, or even most importantly, why was I there? I shook but my mind couldn’t comprehend what to do next. Before I could think into moving myself, soldiers running away and the face of the Armoured Titan were all I could process before I died for the first time. 

That’s what happened when I woke up in this world for the first time.  


* * *

The second time the person had woken up in this new yet familiar world, the time of day seemed completely different from the first. They could see the wall, but the sky was blue and the people were talking and laughing calmly, as opposed to the former time they had woken up.

Still shaken, they slowly rose from the spot of grass they were laying on and glanced around, their entire body shaken from the memory of their recent death.

Was that version of this world a dream? After all, they were alive again now. In some sense of humour and fear, they jokingly thought that they should stay away from gates in the future when they’re about to be knocked down. 

Seeing they were still in the world of a story, they sat down for a moment, taking deep breaths in some poor attempt to start thinking properly. If that was something they were even capable of. 

Apparently not if they were still hyperventilating.

Thoughts came quickly, overcrowding and confusing, with not a single sentence making sense.

‘What do I do now? How do I go home? How am I here? What’s going on? I want to go home-!’ 

The breath was stilled in their lungs as something caught their attention from the corner of their eye. 

A girl with a red scarf, gently shaking a boy about her age awake. If they weren’t spluttering before, they certainly were now.

This was the day that Maria fell. The day Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie knocked the wall down and the Titans got in. Carla, Eren’s mother died and Eren started on his path of insanity. 

‘We have to do something.’ The words came to mind, almost instinctively and the person almost choked on their own saliva with it.

But what could they do? Warn the soldiers? Would anyone believe them? Maybe they could find Grisha? No, if they did that and failed to persuade him, that could cause problems for when Eren obtained his memory. But what could they do?

Since finding and telling Grisha was out of line, and they were certain Hannes would not believe them when telling them that the wall would fall today and to evacuate everyone, they suddenly realised how little choices they had. Perhaps they had nothing to do but sit back and do nothing. It wasn’t an idea they liked in the least and they began to realise how little it meant to be in this world, even if they had only just… arrived somehow. 

Legs shaking as they slowly raised to their feet, they cautiously took a few steps forward and kept a distance from Eren and Mikasa. Maybe at least, they could aid in saving Carla and stop Eren from going on a murderous rampage.

If they saved at least one person, maybe they could go home? For that, they would need… to follow two children home which wasn’t great at all but this was for the purpose of saving lives so it would be okay, right? No? Yeah this isn’t a good situation to be in.

Well… it’s not as if the house would be standing any time soon. 

Needless to say, they still felt awful as they followed the children home, trying to memorise the streets and paths so they could find their way back here when the wall fell. 

The bell rang in the distance and Eren grabbed Mikasa’s hand excitedly, dragging along as the ringing signaled the Survey Corps return.

Wait.

The Survey Corps.

Rushing behind them, they darted between the buildings and down the streets behind Eren and Mikasa and stopped just behind the Main Street in front of the gate.

The sight made them feel sick. 

It was something seeing them all in the anime, the whole scene looking morbid. But it was another thing seeing it in person. The gore of people without limbs, and blood all over the troops. The bodies piled in one of the carts. 

“Moses!” Oh no.

“Excuse me, have you seen my son, Moses?”

They knew how this scene played out, but that meant almost nothing as the woman was handed what remained of her son. Her crying and screaming at the commander, asking that his life had meant something in the end, only for Keith to tell her that there was nothing to show for it in the end.

The words of the townspeople could be heard and the ‘thwack’ of Eren hitting someone with a stick. Their attention was turned back to the children, only to see Mikasa dragging Eren around a corner. 

Walking past the angry man, they walked around the corner and leant against the wall of a building, staying out of sight of Eren and Mikasa as they argued.

Soon enough, they were off again until they stopped short of the house and watched them enter. Turning to leave, they figured it would be best to leave now before Grisha saw them. It would be pain to have to explain anything to future Eren, after all.

Walking away from the house, they headed into the main street once again and glanced around. Some glances were returned with looks as they supposed their current attire wasn’t exactly normal for this world, even if it was considered fine on their own. 

‘Oh well,’ they supposed ‘it could have been worse.’

Besides, fashion was the least important thing on their mind right now. 

The sun still has a few hours in the sky and the Warriors Unit wouldn’t be attacking till the sun was nearly down. 

What should they do till then? There was almost no point in learning how Shinganshina’s streets went, since soon they would be leaving and probably wouldn’t return if they got to go back home any time soon. If they didn’t… well they’d probably see the city in five or six years, depending if they joined the military or not… which was not idea at all in their mind. 

After the wall fell, they knew things had been hard on the refugees in terms of food and housing. Would it be a smart idea to steal supplies right now? No personal belongings were aloud on the boats so if they did, their only option would be to get to Wall Rose without going by boat. And supplies would only last a few days at best, before being sent to the fields with the rest of the refugees.

They somewhat wished they could negotiate with Reiner and the others, but such a situation would be extremely unlikely. Shivering at the thought of the Armoured Titan’s face shortly before they died, the person couldn’t help but feel out of place. Which they were or course but-

They didn’t know much about this world. They knew about Marley and the Titans and a few of the people living in it but that was it. They didn’t know the currency or how the people lived or what even the social standards were here. It was all so new and alien to them, and they genuinely had no clue what to do.

Not to mention their whole current plan rested on the fact of trying to save Carla and being successful. 

It was now then they started it wish that they had invested in exercise and getting stronger more. 

If they couldn’t save her then- well, let’s say living through the rest of the story wouldn’t be pleasant.

If that was what even sent them back home.

In this world, it had seemed their first death had simply rewound time a bit and allowed them to start again. So was death even a problem at all for them? It wasn’t a theory they really wanted to test out.

What if they had to live out the rest of their life here? 

The thought was sudden, but one they were genuinely curious about. Once the story was over, what then? Did this world just blip out of existence or perhaps did it just continue on like their own world? 

They weren’t sure if their sanity could handle being here and losing the world they knew forever. 

How long would they remain here? Were they on a time limit? Perhaps this was actually all in their head and they had just finally lost it and no longer had a hold on reality.

After a while, they noticed Grisha going towards the exit into Wall Maria. Cautiously keeping their distance, they followed him towards the ferry, where they watched Grisha show his ticket before boarding the ship. 

As they turned to return to Shinganshina, they felt the wind brush against their skin, and as they turned for a moment their blood froze.

For a moment, they swore they could see a boy with green eyes and long dark hair staring right at them.

Fuck.

Time seemed to happen in an instant and then the only thing they could process was the bang and shake of the colossal Titan.


End file.
